You will look dumb when you try your best

I recently watched a drama in which one character refused to leave his room. Whenever he was asked to do something to change his life, he has all these answers memorised:

“I can’t do it.”

“I’d look dumb doing it.”

“I know people will make fun of me.”

“I don’t want to look stupid for failing.”

I recognised every word, because for years, that was me.

I have always loved buying notebooks ever since I was a kid. However, for years, I have kept those notebooks clean. I’d write my name on the first page, feel a wave of cringe, and close it forever.

Why? Because I felt dumb for writing my feelings in a book.

When I told my friends I wanted to be a filmmaker, they were excited and jumped in to help. However, I was never inside the film itself. I hid behind the camera and only put my name at the end of the film.

Why? Because I don’t want to look stupid in front of a camera.

Even as an adult, I always avoided looking dumb. At work, I always found a way to avoid making mistakes. When things got challenging, I would ask my seniors for help or pass the work to my peers. I pretend to know what I am doing, and somehow, everyone at work bought it.

Why? Because I don’t want people to know that I don’t know what I am doing.

Over the years, I’ve always avoided looking dumb and stupid. I have never failed, not because I am intelligent, talented, or a genius, but because I have never tried.

Until one day, I could no longer run away. My boss called me one morning and said something that shook my world that day.

“Hey, I don’t enjoy working with you at all. Tell me how you can fix this.”

Those two sentences shattered everything. The careful image I’d built, the competence I’d performed, the safety I’d maintained by never risking looking dumb, my world crumbled like a house of cards.

Realising I couldn't avoid it any longer, I told him I honestly don’t know what I'm doing. I feared I might seem foolish and be criticised for my lack of knowledge.

And to my surprise, he understood my fear and helped me become a better person. He did not push me or pressure me; he gave me room to make mistakes without being judged. More on that in another blog post, perhaps.

The turning point

After that phone call, I realised I wasn’t just holding myself back. I was creating problems for everyone around me.

My fear of looking stupid had made me unreliable. My need to appear perfect had made me incomplete. My pride in running away when things get hard only make me look stupid.

The irony is brutal: by trying so hard not to look dumb, I was actually being dumb. In attempting to fool everyone, I was seen as a fool.

And somehow, knowing that people already see me as a fool who can’t do anything right has set me free. I no longer carry the shackles of perfection, and it made me feel like I can do whatever I want.

So I tried new things, I failed, made mistakes, learned from my experiences, and eventually became a better person.

In the end, I realised that those who looked dumb were actually trying their best. And all this time, I was the dumb one for not trying my best.

So friend, if you feel like you want to do something, but you are afraid of looking dumb, let’s push through the cringe.

You might “look dumb” for trying.

But you’re not dumb for trying your best.

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I hope you find this insightful. Remember:

It’s not going to be easy,
But it’s not impossible.

Your friend,
Brian.