Adult friendship is not the one I saw on TV
When I was a teenager, I watched Friends and How I Met Your Mother like they were instruction manuals for life.
A group of people. Same coffee shop. Every day. Loud, messy, exciting stories every day, always there for each other. That’s what friendship looks like, right?
I believed it completely. I thought if we weren’t seeing each other constantly, we weren’t really friends. I held that standard quietly for years and quietly felt like I was failing at it. Like something was wrong with me. Like I had no real friends at all.
Then I grew up. And I realised the TV lied to us.
Adult friendship is strange because nobody prepares you for it.
One day, you’re seeing your people every week, and then, slowly, without any dramatic falling-out, the gaps between meetings get longer. Months pass. You get busy. Life fills in the space.
Everyone has their own responsibilities. Their own needs. Their own timing.
And most of the time, your lives simply won’t align.
Because life is happening to all of us, at the same time, in different directions. Not because anyone stopped caring. You’re all in the middle of your own story, and the chapters don’t always overlap.
So people drift. And that used to feel like a loss.
But I’ve started thinking about it differently.
When a friend goes quiet for months, or we stop making plans as often, I no longer read it as a sign that the friendship is ending.
I think of it as a time-skip arc, the kind you see in manga or comics, where a character steps off the page for a while.
Life happens to them off-panel. And when they return, something has shifted.
They’ve grown. They’ve been through something. There’s a new chapter waiting to be told. That reframe changed everything for me.
The silence isn’t abandonment.
It’s just everyone living their life.
It’s just when we all try to figure out life.
Then, finally, when they do come back, we sit down again over food, or for a walk, or for a long phone call; I won’t be counting the gaps. I won’t be counting the months or keeping score.
I’m just there. Ready to get to know them again. To hear what happened in the years we missed. To pick up not where we left off, but from where we both are now.
Two different people (or more), a little older, finding each other again. Catching up for those years we’ve missed each other.
That’s the version of friendship I’m learning to hold.
Less sitcom, more slow novel. No laugh track. No perfectly timed reunions.
Just old friends making time when they can, and meaning it when they do.
I hope you find this insightful. Remember:
It’s not going to be easy,
But it’s not impossible.
Your friend,
Brian.