What if they find out?

There's a fear I carry with me some days.

It sits in the back of my mind, waiting for moments when I'm about to speak up in a meeting, submit my work, or take on a new responsibility. The fear whispers the same question over and over:

"What if they realise I don't actually know what I'm doing?"​

I imagine the moment they'll see through me. They'll notice that I'm not as dependable as they thought. They'll catch me in the act of figuring things out as I go, learning by doing, buying time while I piece together knowledge I'm supposed to already have.​

And if they do, I tell myself, everything I've built will crumble.​

This thought feels heavy because there's so much riding on the version of myself I've shown them. The competent one. The one who seems to have it together. The one they trust with essential things.​

But the more I talk to people, the more I understand: most of us are buying time.​

We're all learning as we go, figuring out the next step while taking the current one. The difference between those who seem confident and those who don't isn't that some people actually know everything. It's that some people have made peace with not knowing.​

Nobody handed me a manual for my life. Nobody gave me a complete skill set before I started. I had to learn by showing up, trying things, failing at some of them, and getting better over time. That's not pretending. That's just how growth works.​

The version of me that people depend on wasn't built by knowing everything from the start. It was built by being willing to figure things out, even when I felt uncertain. By showing up anyway. By asking questions when I needed to and admitting when I didn't have all the answers.​

Maybe what I've built isn't as fragile as I think.​

Maybe it won't crumble if people see me learning in real time. Maybe they'll just see someone who's honest about the process, someone who's willing to grow, someone who keeps going even when they're not sure of every step.​

Because the truth is, the people I admire most aren't the ones who never doubt themselves.

They're the ones who acknowledge their own shortcomings but don't use them as an excuse. They're the ones who made me look up to them, not because they act like they know everything, but because they don't pretend to. They're honest about still figuring things out.​

They're the ones who doubt themselves and do it anyway.​

Nobody has it all figured out.​

We're all just learning as we go, making it up as we move forward. The difference is that some of us have stopped waiting for the moment when we'll finally feel ready. We've accepted that readiness doesn't come before action—it comes from it.​

So maybe the question isn't "What if they find out I don't know what I'm doing?"​

Maybe it's "What if that's exactly what makes me human?"​

Let's figure it out as we go.

I hope you find this insightful. Remember:

It's not going to be easy,
But it's not impossible.

Your friend,
Brian.