How to Gain Confidence

How to Gain Confidence

What to do when you feel inferior.

January 23, 2021

There will always be somebody better than you. Whether it's at school or at work, sometimes, you couldn't help but feel inferior towards the people who outperform you. In this article, we'll look at what made you think that way and how to gain your confidence.

Where does inferiority come from?

It comes from an internal and external factor. These two things are the opposite but closely related to each other - when someone is better than you, you start to feel inferior and lose confidence.

"She's so good. Now I feel like shit".

It's on your mind

To have better self-confidence, it starts with shifting your mindset. Lose all the negativity and begin to see the bright side of things. Because by doing so, you will appreciate people who's better than you.

"She's so good. I should learn from her"

Don't focus on other people and don't compare yourself to other people — it's not the time, yet. Do those two things after you have a clear and positive mind. So you can use other people's achievements as a mean to accelerate your growth.

Keep an open mind. Being surrounded by people better than you is a privilege. That kind of environment will only help you move further ahead. You don't have to be the best, but you should always do your best.

It's not just you

At some point in life, most people have felt this way. So don't worry too much — this is normal. If you see it from another angle, by knowing that you are not good enough, you know well that you should improve yourself. That, my friend, is already a good start.

"She's so good. But at the beginning she was also a beginner like I am now. I should learn from her."

To Do: Just Let it Out

In the beginning, maybe it's just a slight feeling of inferiority. But over time it snowballs and swallows your confidence whole. One way to lighten your burden is to talk about it.

Tell your closest people

If you can share it to other people, that's great! Tell them how you feel and console yourself in them.

However, if you don't want to share it to them, let them know that you have something in mind. So people who care about you are aware of your condition and not bother you even more. Sometimes pointless arguments start just because people fail to understand each other.

"Hey, I am not in a good headspace today, mind giving me some time alone?"

Write a journal

If you are not comfortable sharing this to other people, write a journal about how you feel. Some people, like me, prefer to type rather than talk. It's easier than a real conversation because I can delete, edit, and think before saying something.

You can try to use tools like Twitter or Medium to dump your thoughts. Don't worry too much about being seen by other people — you can even make an alternate account just for your thoughts.

Ps. I dump my thoughts on the Tiny Wisdom :D

To Do: Start Small

Now that you know how to free your mind, it's time to start gaining confidence. Try to remember the things you succeeded. It doesn't have to be massive — because there are successes in what you do every day. Simple things like doing your laundry, washing the dishes, or cooking, are examples of small achievements.

Every day, at the end of the day, try to remember the small successes you did. By doing so, you are reminding yourself that you can achieve success, no matter how little it is. Small things like this help you grow your confidence little by little.

Plan your day

Most of the time, people don't get anything done, not because they don't know what to do. It's because they have a lot to be done, that they got overwhelmed and ended up overthinking their tasks. Familiar with this situation?

Start the day by planning at most 3 things that you want to get done. Doing so will help you tailor your day more positively. Do this, and at least by the end of the day, you'll have 3 things crossed on your checklist.

Don't procrastinate, do it now.

To Do: Avoid Negative Influences

Avoid everything that triggers your inferiority. Don't get me wrong, if you feel small because you lack programming skills, don't avoid programming. Avoid the people who made you feel that way. After all, you are the most important person for yourself.

Social Media Detox

You can start by muting or unfollowing people who made you uncomfortable on social media. It does not matter whether they know about it or not, because what matters the most is your wellbeing. Believe me or not, social media is a plague that makes you keep comparing yourself to other people.

"Wow he's on a trip across Europe, and I'm here working 9-5... What am I doing with my life?"

If you don't want to unfollow or mute people online, then take yourself offline. Uninstall your social media apps for a month or two.

You'll be surprised that at the end of the detox, only those who care about you would realize you were gone. But if they genuinely care about you, you'd keep in touch anyways, so don't be afraid of missing out.

Keep it positive

If you can't help but use social media, make sure you mute the people who made you feel miserable and start following more positive accounts.

People only show what they want to display on social media. Nobody shares the hardship they went through, because it's just not "instagrammable"

Social media is just a tool, it's not your whole life. Use these tools to help you move forward, not the opposite way.

Fun fact: Out of all the accounts I follow on Instagram, 50% are about memes and cats. They make me happy.

Unfriend your friends

This is one of the hardest things to do, but I think it should still be addressed. Are you sure your friends are supportive? Or do they make you feel like shit? Only you can judge them.

Sometimes our closest friends don't realize that their actions might make us feel down. You may let it slide for a couple of times, but you shouldn't keep it up if they have done so for a long time. You don't have to stop being friends, you can simply pull yourself out for a while.

And if they indeed are your friends, just be honest that whatever they do has made you lose your confidence. Communicating your problems is not an easy thing to do, but communication is the most effective way of solving problems.

Love yourself

Yes sounds cliché, but it is essential and at the same time very hard to do. You beat yourself over other people's achievements and forgot that you also need appreciation, care, or just a simple pat on the back.

Remember, this is normal, and everyone has gone (or will be going) through the same thing. Pour your thoughts and free your mind, start from small successes, and avoid negative influences.

Don't forget to do this for yourself, not to fulfil other people's expectations. Don't let other people control your happiness.

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