Who defines a "good" life?
When I was in my twenties, life started to feel like a scoreboard.
Everyone seemed to be racing ahead.
Someone was getting promoted.
Someone was getting married.
Someone was buying a house.
Someone was on vacation.
And you sit there scrolling, wondering, “What went wrong with me?”
For a long time, that was how I looked at my own life: as a list of missing pieces.
Not enough money.
Not enough success.
Not enough proof that I was doing okay.
The more I compared, the less I actually lived.
However, the problem wasn’t just social media. The problem was the story I kept telling myself: “If my life doesn’t look like theirs, it isn’t worth much.” I became a full-time judge of my own life and a part-time participant in it.
I kept asking, “Why isn’t my life like that?” but I never thought about, “What do I actually want my life to be like?”
If “good” means “what they have,” your life will never feel good enough. The bar will always move. There will always be someone richer, prettier, more successful, someone “better.” In that endless chase, you lose the only life you can actually live: your own.
Because a good life is not a universal template or a checklist that everyone must follow in the same order.
For some people, it might mean building wealth and taking care of their family. For others, it might mean having time, not things: slow mornings, simple food, and work that doesn’t eat their soul. For the rest, it might mean deep relationships, art, spiritual growth, or lifelong learning.
The question should not be “What should a good life look like?”
Instead, the question should be, “What feels good and true for me?”
Is it health? Long conversations over cheap coffee? Making art no one understands yet? Leaving work on time to see the sunset? Having enough money to breathe, not to impress?
If you don’t decide what “good” means, someone else will—a company, an algorithm, a stranger on the internet. Then you spend your one life trying to live inside someone else’s definition.
Growing up, I thought adults knew what they were doing. But as I got older, I started to notice that’s not true. Most people are not walking around with a clear definition of a “good life.”
They are walking around with questions, worries, and confusion, all while doing their best to move forward anyway. A good life is not a life without mistakes. It’s a life where you keep walking despite all that has happened.
So, who defines a good life?
The honest answer is simple and uncomfortable: a good life is defined by the person who has to live it. You.
Not your parents, friends, coworkers, or the people on your feed.
You get to decide what is “enough” for you, what you are willing to trade away, and what you are not. You get to decide what kind of tired you’re okay with at the end of the day, and what you want more of, even if it looks small on a screen.
If you live by other people’s standards, your life will always feel a few steps behind. If you live on your own, your life might still be messy and uncertain, but it will be a life truly yours.
And maybe that is what a good life really is: not a perfect story everyone envies, but an honest life, where at the end of the day, you’d look back and say, “today is a good day.”
Remember, nobody lives a perfect life.
We’re all still figuring it out.
I hope you find this insightful. Remember:
It’s not going to be easy,
But it’s not impossible.
Your friend,
Brian.