How are you, really?

“How are you?”

That question is simple, but it sometimes feels awkward.

It can even seem a bit mocking. Most people expect a quick answer, something easy, because they want the conversation to move along and not pause to look deeper.

But sometimes I pause and think. Honestly, I don't think “I’m fine” or “I’m good.” And I feel that the truest thing I can say is, “I’m alive.”

Work often seems endless, and paychecks disappear almost as quickly as they arrive. I spend my days trading time for money, counting bills, and wishing for things that seem out of reach. Buying a car or a house? Sometimes, that feels more like a dream than a real possibility. Even so, I am alive.

Some days, old disappointments resurface, blending with new ones. My parents have hopes for me that I cannot always meet. Then, the unrealistic expectations I set for myself disappoint me. Yet, I am alive.

I watch my friends start families and build their lives. I cheer for them and feel proud of what they have found. Still, when the celebrations are over, I’m left alone, and some nights, the silence feels loud. But then again, I'm still alive.

So, how am I?
I’m alive.

Some days, just being alive feels like a struggle. Other days, I feel grateful because it’s a chance to try again, to hope that something better will come, even if it is just a small thing.

And what do I learn about being alive? It is not about having all the answers or being perfect. It means showing up, even when things are confusing or heavy.

Because life is not always a party, sometimes it is surviving, holding on, and simply being present. “I’m alive” does not mean I have failed. It means I am beginning again.

So, next time someone asks and I don't feel "fine" or "okay..."

I will simply say: “I’m alive.”

I hope you find this insightful. Remember:

It's not going to be easy,
But it's not impossible.

Your friend,
Brian.